Sunrise over Lake Texoma

I recently read a blog post by Carrie Zylka titled, “Closing the Chapters on All That Has Come Before”.  In that blog she states, “Some people come into our life for a reason… They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  Sometimes it is to teach you a lesson or to create the conflict you need to discover your own courage and self-worth…Sometimes a person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end… What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.”

On June 9, my husband decided to leave our family.  He felt someone else could fulfill the desires of his heart better than I.  I apologize for not posting until now, but two months later I am finally able to accept what Carrie is trying to say.  I won’t say that I understand it, or that I chose it, but I will accept it and move on.  

This past weekend I had the opportunity to spend on Lake Texoma.  I sat on the bank of the Texas side looking over into the Oklahoma side trying to figure out where I wanted to go with this blog and if I wanted to continue writing “Above and Below the Red River”.  Trust me, the irony of the title and my location were not lost on me. 

For the last two months I have struggled with my identity.  I created myself into the wife my husband wanted me to be.  As you know from this blog, I started hunting to spend more time with him and to embrace his passions.  I developed a love of hunting because he loved it and because I wanted him to be proud of me.  Now, I feel like I have developed myself into this person, but I don’t know how to be this person without him.  So, I sat on the bank of Lake Texoma trying to decide if I truly loved hunting or if I was trying to hold onto something that defined “us”.  “Us” is gone, so who am “I”?

“I” am a strong, independent woman with many hopes, dreams, and desires.  “I” am an amazing mother with the two most wonderful boys anyone could ever ask for.  “I” am a loyal, devoted, and loving friend with integrity and compassion.  “I” am a huntress who has a lot to learn about hunting! 

So, I will carry you on this journey with me as I learn how to go from a “Hunter’s Wife” to a “Hunter”.