Hunter's Wife vs Hunter

Well, the countdown has begun.  You can’t get on Twitter or Facebook without someone pointing out there are only a few weeks till the start of deer season.  It is a little bitter sweet for me.  Normally, I would be looking forward to the early archery season in Oklahoma.  However, this year my season will not start until after the first weekend of rifle season in Texas.  I have a feeling by that point, I am going to be chomping at the bit! 

I have been reading everything I can get my hands on! Magazines, blogs, books, etc to learn all the “behind the scenes” actions of a deer hunter.  As a “Hunter’s Wife” I now realize there were so many things taken care of for me.  Hunting in the past consisted of looking through trail camera pics, picking out shooter deer, waking up early, sitting in the pre-positioned deer stand in front of the already filled feeder, and hopefully shooting a deer!  Wow, I was so naïve to call myself a “hunter”.  In the last few weeks I have learned about positioning trail cameras for the best pictures and best results, locating deer stands in the most opportune location, food plots and wind management.  Not only that, but then I’ve learned about the rut, looking for scrapes, and deer habits.  Then I move into hunting equipment – I’ll be honest,  I have nothing but my camouflage, my bow and hopefully a deer feeder and blind at the deer lease.  So, I start looking into trail cameras, ground blinds, scent control, guns, and knives.  After all that, then I start thinking about how to clean a deer.  As a “Hunter’s Wife” we had an agreement: I don’t clean deer!  Now, I will admit, I really don’t want to clean a deer, but I realize that is part of being a hunter, and I will do it!  I just don’t know how! 

I will swallow my pride a little here and tell you that I missed a great opportunity to learn many of these things from a great hunter.  I wish I had taken the time to have Chad teach me some of these things because he seriously is probably one of the best.  I just took advantage of the fact he would take care of all these things for me. 

It has been fun learning how to do many of these “behind the scenes” activities, but it has been overwhelming. I am so thankful that I have my family to help me.  They are the absolute best and they have been so supportive.  I look forward to my first hunting season as a real “hunter”.   

Sunrise over Lake Texoma

I recently read a blog post by Carrie Zylka titled, “Closing the Chapters on All That Has Come Before”.  In that blog she states, “Some people come into our life for a reason… They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  Sometimes it is to teach you a lesson or to create the conflict you need to discover your own courage and self-worth…Sometimes a person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end… What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.”

On June 9, my husband decided to leave our family.  He felt someone else could fulfill the desires of his heart better than I.  I apologize for not posting until now, but two months later I am finally able to accept what Carrie is trying to say.  I won’t say that I understand it, or that I chose it, but I will accept it and move on.  

This past weekend I had the opportunity to spend on Lake Texoma.  I sat on the bank of the Texas side looking over into the Oklahoma side trying to figure out where I wanted to go with this blog and if I wanted to continue writing “Above and Below the Red River”.  Trust me, the irony of the title and my location were not lost on me. 

For the last two months I have struggled with my identity.  I created myself into the wife my husband wanted me to be.  As you know from this blog, I started hunting to spend more time with him and to embrace his passions.  I developed a love of hunting because he loved it and because I wanted him to be proud of me.  Now, I feel like I have developed myself into this person, but I don’t know how to be this person without him.  So, I sat on the bank of Lake Texoma trying to decide if I truly loved hunting or if I was trying to hold onto something that defined “us”.  “Us” is gone, so who am “I”?

“I” am a strong, independent woman with many hopes, dreams, and desires.  “I” am an amazing mother with the two most wonderful boys anyone could ever ask for.  “I” am a loyal, devoted, and loving friend with integrity and compassion.  “I” am a huntress who has a lot to learn about hunting! 

So, I will carry you on this journey with me as I learn how to go from a “Hunter’s Wife” to a “Hunter”.